Full Circle of Living and Dying
  • Home
    • Donate Here
  • About us/Contact
    • Board of Directors >
      • Akhila Murphy, Founding Director, End-of-Life Doula, Death Care Midwife
      • Carolyn Seyler, Co-Chair President
      • Rosie Mariani, Board Treasurer
      • Mary Good, End-of-Life Doula, Secretary of the Board
      • Amanda Kenney, Death-Care Midwife, Board Director
      • Mary Jo Curtin, Board Director
    • FCLD Core Circle Volunteer Team >
      • Bonnie McKeegan, LCSW, Past Vice President Board Director
      • Martha Turner, Midwifery, Past President
      • Linda More, End-of-Life Doula, Past Board Director
      • Donna Peizer, Past Treasurer
      • Nandi Szabo, Co-Founder
      • Nancy Parraz, Death Care Midwife
      • Sushila Mertens, End-of-Life Doula >
        • Sushila Mertens, End-of-Life Doula, Outstanding Volunteer of the Year!
        • Spotlight Sushila Mertens
      • Rebecca Sengolu
    • Advocates for end-of-life choices and death-care rights
    • FAQ
    • What is an End-of-Life Doula or Death Midwife?
    • Sign up for Newsletter/send email
    • Contact Us
    • Pregnancy and Infant Loss >
      • Cuddle Cot 2021
      • Support group: Pregnancy and Infant Loss
    • Gallery
    • Donate Here
    • JOIN OUR TEAM
    • Our Education >
      • Our Final Passages Death Midwifery Training
      • Home Funeral Article by Jerrigrace Lyons
  • In-Home Funeral Guidance
    • Know your rights. Home death care is legal.
    • Home Death Care in California >
      • Home Funeral Paperwork
    • CALIFORNIA DEATH CERTIFICATE Instructions
    • Tattoo Preservation after Death
    • Death Care >
      • Sacred Death Care
    • What is "Lying in Honor?"
    • Symbolism of our LOGO
    • Donate Here
    • Pet Funeral >
      • Pet Euthanasia in the Home
    • Death Certificate Worksheet >
      • Nevada County-File Your Own Paperwork for Death Certificate - Vital Records Office
    • Video: A Conversation about After Death Care
  • End-of-Life Care Options
    • Pregnancy and Infant Loss >
      • Support group: Pregnancy and Infant Loss
      • Cuddle Cot 2021
    • Advance Directives, Dementia, Covid-19, Five Wishes
    • End-of-Life Doula
    • California End of Life Option Act (MAID)
    • VSED: Voluntarily Stopping Eating & Drinking
    • Sacred Bridges, Local End-of-Life Caregivers
    • Remembrances
    • Contributions
    • Testimonials
    • Physician Support: Medical Aid in Dying
  • Green Burial
    • History of Natural Green Burial, Cherokee Cemetery, Nevada County >
      • Green Burial Santa Monica 2016
      • Green Burial Video from GBC
    • Natural Organic Reduction -Composting Human Remains >
      • Presentation: Natural Organic Reduction + YouTube link
    • Natural Organic Reduction Amigo Bob's story
    • Rules for Scattering Ashes
    • Find A Grave (website)
    • Aquamation: Water Cremation >
      • Desmond Tutu: Aquamation
    • Cremation- Not so Environmentally Friendly!
  • Events & News
    • Upcoming Educational Series MAR 14, 2023: AS YOU WISH: Creating a Beautiful End-of-Life
    • Upcoming March 16, 2023 Death Conversations Event
    • Presentation April 30, 2023 In-Home Death Care
    • Past event Aquamation Presentation Jan. 18, 2023 link to recording
    • Past Death Conversations Event Nov. 17, 2022
    • Past Film Event: Jack Has a Plan Aug. 2022
    • LA TIMES Article about Lawsuit Aug. 2022
    • Article: Death Doula Lawsuit Dec. 2021 >
      • California Death Doulas Fight
      • Death Doulas C&C Article Nov. 2021
    • Article: Pregnancy Loss Conversations Feb, 2022
    • Past Event June 24, 2022 Presentation Organ and Tissue donation
    • Past Event Apr. 28, 2022 After-death Care presentation
    • PAST March 26, 2022 Cemetery Field Trip
    • Past Event March 17, 2022 Death Conversations- Breaking the silence
    • Past Event Jan 20, 2022 Death Conversations- Breaking the silence
    • Review: 2021 City of Hope, End:0f-Life Symposium December
    • PAST EVENTS 2021 >
      • Presentation Dec. 9th : "There's No Place Like Home." Home funeral Basics
      • Past Event: Nov. 2021- Medical Aid-in-Dying Update
      • Past Event: Natural Organic Reduction - Register
      • Past Events 2021 : June 18 -Field trip to Cherokee Cemetery
    • Newsletters
    • KVMR Podcasts: Featuring End-of-LIfe Doulas
    • PUBLISHED ARTICLES >
      • Article from The Order of the Good Death
      • Article: California's End-of-LIfe Option Act
      • Article Amigo Bob -Natural Organic Reduction Human Composting
      • April 2020 Ventilators in times of COVID-19
      • Union Article Caring Cradle Sept 2019
      • Giving Back After Tragedy, September 2019 The Union
      • Article The Union May 2019 New nonprofit
      • Article The Union August 2019 HBO Documentary
      • Choosing When to Die
      • Home Funeral Visitation
    • PAST EVENTS 2019/20 >
      • Past Event Oct 7 & 8, 2020 Holding Space for Pregnancy Loss
      • Death & Grieving around Corona Virus March 26, 2020
      • Past Event: Jan 26, 2020 Your Life, Your Choice, Your Plan
      • End-of-Life Doula Training with Inspired Endings - Oct 2019
      • June 9, 2019 Short Film & Death Conversation
      • Mar, Apr, May 2019
      • SEPT 2019 EVENT: Advance Directives + Dementia Directive
    • 2018 Past Events >
      • A Matter of Life & Death: Workshop Series Sept. 22, 2018
      • Nandi's Cancer Support Group September-October 2018
      • Past Events: 2018
      • Event May 20, 2018- Creating a Death Care Plan: Exploring Unconventional Options
      • Event: July 22, 2018 Death Cafe
    • 2017 PAST Events: August 27th -Understanding California's End-of-LIfe Option Act >
      • Deathwalker Training with Zenith Virago Sept 2017
      • Past Event: Film screening: Zen & the Art of Dying August 13, 2017
      • PAST Event: Film screening: Zen and the Art of Dying June 11, 2017
      • Past Event: Death Salon, A Gathering of Community to Discuss Death -MAR 26
      • Past Event - Exploring After Death Options: What Happens to our Bodily Remains? Feb 19, 2017 2-4pm
      • Going Out Green: Learn about Eco-friendly Home Funerals and Green Burial Cemetery JAN. 8, 2017
      • International Death Doula Training 2017
    • 2016 Events Planning Your Own Send-off May 1, 2016 >
      • Stephen Jenkinson Comes to NC March 14, 2016
      • Education, Presentations, Death Cafe
      • Event: Sunday Aug 28 2-4pm Home Funerals & Green Burial
    • EARLY YEARS 2013-2015 EVENTS
  • Resources
    • MAiD/California End of Life Option Act + Update SB 380 >
      • Links for California's End-of-Life Option Act
    • Bereavement Support in Nevada County >
      • Bereavement support Hospice of the Foothills, Nevada County
      • Grief Support: Jemma Skye Champeau
    • Advance Directives California + Dementia
    • Hospice of the Foothills, Nevada County
    • Senior Outreach Services, Nevada County
    • One Source Empowering Caregivers
    • Pregnancy and Infant Loss >
      • Cuddle Cot 2021
      • Union Article Caring Cradle 2019
    • Support group: Pregnancy and Infant Loss
    • End-of-Life Plan of Care
    • American Clinicians Academy on Medical Aid in Dying >
      • ACAMAID: Mixing medications
    • Physicians & Local Pharmacy >
      • Dr. Stephen Banister, Nevada County
    • VSED: Voluntarily Stopping Eating & Drinking >
      • Supporting a Loved One at End of Life
    • Body / Organ Donation
    • Threshold Choir
    • Resources and Links
    • People in the Death Trade & Training
    • Holding Space
  • FAQ
  • Companions for Pregnancy Loss
    • Cuddle Cot 2021
  • Death Related YouTube
  • Beauty of EOL Study
  • JOIN OUR TEAM
  • Bardo, Buddhism and the Art of Dying
  • Accomplishments
  • Remembrance donation
  • Kids Sit Vigil with their Granny
  • Sharon's End-of-life days
  • Nearing Death Awareness
  • After-Death Care of my Mom by Akhiila Murphy
  • Archive Video FCLD Collective
  • A Remembrance Gathering for Mom?
  • Marina Bokelman Legacy
  • Register for Aguamation
Picture
Picture

Children Sit Bedside with "Great-Granny" 
by Akhila Murphy, End-of-life Doula

My mother Sharon Rose died in my home on April 3, 2022, she was 84 years old. My granddaughter Clare age 6 sat with her Granny in my home and gently held her thin hand the night before Granny died.  Witnessing this tender time on the night before my mom died will always hold a special place in my heart.

When my grandchildren were told that Granny was dying, my 10 year old grandson wanted to visit her before she died. And so they came, not knowing this would be their Granny’s last night in her physical body. 

When the children came to her room,
they were not afraid.  Somehow they knew to enter slowly and quietly. Acoustic violin music was playing in the background. I had told them Granny would look different than the last time they visited. They could immediately see something was different about her but, they walked right over to her bedside. Granny appeared to be sleeping, eyes closed, breathing with mouth open, and she was much thinner than the last time they had seen her.

I knew my mom was transitioning, which hospice defines as the time very close to death. I knew I wanted to be honest with my grandchildren, but I decided some of those words and concepts may not be age appropriate.  I encouraged them to speak to Granny. That although she was weak and didn’t talk anymore, she would know that  they were there. And so, they did. My grandson said he felt sad that she could no longer talk, because he’s “a very outgoing social kid and if I couldn’t talk it would be so hard.” He  continued talking to her. 

They were both very curious and asked lots of questions. I explained it was ok to gently hold her hand and they both reached out to her without hesitation. At that moment Granny’s breath changed as she let out a long exhale. I said it was ok - she knows you are here.

I encouraged questions and gave thoughtful answers, with just enough information and not too much. For example, they were amazed at being able to see the bones in her hands and, the very prominent veins. I explained she hadn’t been eating much anymore and she had lost a lot of weight. I felt it wouldn’t have been appropriate to explain about dehydration or that she hadn’t eaten in 4 days. These facts might be worrisome for kids their age.

The experience my grandchildren had may not be appropriate for every kid. Each child is on their own developmental level or may have had a negative experience in the past, so it’s best to offer kids choices whether or not to visit a dying person. Grown-ups tend to be uncomfortable talking about death, especially with children. According to kidshealth.org, a website dedicated to offering doctor reviewed information about kids health:  “How kids cope with the loss depends on things like their age, how close they felt to the person who died, and the support they receive.” Use simple words to talk about death, listen and comfort. Tell the child what to expect and what events will happen next. Avoid giving too much information.

Books are a great resource for kids to learn about death and there are hundreds of books out there for all ages and all types of death experiences. A quick online search will reveal many age appropriate books as well as books for parental guidance in talking about death with children.

I feel most grown-ups are uncomfortable talking about death and even more so with children. I have heard dozens of stories from adults who share memories of a negative childhood death experience that has stayed with them all of their lives.  Dying and death is an important time in everyone’s life. It is a time for love, caring, assistance, patience, and learning. 

I know that being present during dying, death and after death can be healing to those who have negative memories. As an end-of-life doula I feel it is extremely important for people to open up conversations about death and dying well in advance, to normalize these discussions, and include children when appropriate.


Thanks for Listening ~ Akhila Murphy
​
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  • Home
    • Donate Here
  • About us/Contact
    • Board of Directors >
      • Akhila Murphy, Founding Director, End-of-Life Doula, Death Care Midwife
      • Carolyn Seyler, Co-Chair President
      • Rosie Mariani, Board Treasurer
      • Mary Good, End-of-Life Doula, Secretary of the Board
      • Amanda Kenney, Death-Care Midwife, Board Director
      • Mary Jo Curtin, Board Director
    • FCLD Core Circle Volunteer Team >
      • Bonnie McKeegan, LCSW, Past Vice President Board Director
      • Martha Turner, Midwifery, Past President
      • Linda More, End-of-Life Doula, Past Board Director
      • Donna Peizer, Past Treasurer
      • Nandi Szabo, Co-Founder
      • Nancy Parraz, Death Care Midwife
      • Sushila Mertens, End-of-Life Doula >
        • Sushila Mertens, End-of-Life Doula, Outstanding Volunteer of the Year!
        • Spotlight Sushila Mertens
      • Rebecca Sengolu
    • Advocates for end-of-life choices and death-care rights
    • FAQ
    • What is an End-of-Life Doula or Death Midwife?
    • Sign up for Newsletter/send email
    • Contact Us
    • Pregnancy and Infant Loss >
      • Cuddle Cot 2021
      • Support group: Pregnancy and Infant Loss
    • Gallery
    • Donate Here
    • JOIN OUR TEAM
    • Our Education >
      • Our Final Passages Death Midwifery Training
      • Home Funeral Article by Jerrigrace Lyons
  • In-Home Funeral Guidance
    • Know your rights. Home death care is legal.
    • Home Death Care in California >
      • Home Funeral Paperwork
    • CALIFORNIA DEATH CERTIFICATE Instructions
    • Tattoo Preservation after Death
    • Death Care >
      • Sacred Death Care
    • What is "Lying in Honor?"
    • Symbolism of our LOGO
    • Donate Here
    • Pet Funeral >
      • Pet Euthanasia in the Home
    • Death Certificate Worksheet >
      • Nevada County-File Your Own Paperwork for Death Certificate - Vital Records Office
    • Video: A Conversation about After Death Care
  • End-of-Life Care Options
    • Pregnancy and Infant Loss >
      • Support group: Pregnancy and Infant Loss
      • Cuddle Cot 2021
    • Advance Directives, Dementia, Covid-19, Five Wishes
    • End-of-Life Doula
    • California End of Life Option Act (MAID)
    • VSED: Voluntarily Stopping Eating & Drinking
    • Sacred Bridges, Local End-of-Life Caregivers
    • Remembrances
    • Contributions
    • Testimonials
    • Physician Support: Medical Aid in Dying
  • Green Burial
    • History of Natural Green Burial, Cherokee Cemetery, Nevada County >
      • Green Burial Santa Monica 2016
      • Green Burial Video from GBC
    • Natural Organic Reduction -Composting Human Remains >
      • Presentation: Natural Organic Reduction + YouTube link
    • Natural Organic Reduction Amigo Bob's story
    • Rules for Scattering Ashes
    • Find A Grave (website)
    • Aquamation: Water Cremation >
      • Desmond Tutu: Aquamation
    • Cremation- Not so Environmentally Friendly!
  • Events & News
    • Upcoming Educational Series MAR 14, 2023: AS YOU WISH: Creating a Beautiful End-of-Life
    • Upcoming March 16, 2023 Death Conversations Event
    • Presentation April 30, 2023 In-Home Death Care
    • Past event Aquamation Presentation Jan. 18, 2023 link to recording
    • Past Death Conversations Event Nov. 17, 2022
    • Past Film Event: Jack Has a Plan Aug. 2022
    • LA TIMES Article about Lawsuit Aug. 2022
    • Article: Death Doula Lawsuit Dec. 2021 >
      • California Death Doulas Fight
      • Death Doulas C&C Article Nov. 2021
    • Article: Pregnancy Loss Conversations Feb, 2022
    • Past Event June 24, 2022 Presentation Organ and Tissue donation
    • Past Event Apr. 28, 2022 After-death Care presentation
    • PAST March 26, 2022 Cemetery Field Trip
    • Past Event March 17, 2022 Death Conversations- Breaking the silence
    • Past Event Jan 20, 2022 Death Conversations- Breaking the silence
    • Review: 2021 City of Hope, End:0f-Life Symposium December
    • PAST EVENTS 2021 >
      • Presentation Dec. 9th : "There's No Place Like Home." Home funeral Basics
      • Past Event: Nov. 2021- Medical Aid-in-Dying Update
      • Past Event: Natural Organic Reduction - Register
      • Past Events 2021 : June 18 -Field trip to Cherokee Cemetery
    • Newsletters
    • KVMR Podcasts: Featuring End-of-LIfe Doulas
    • PUBLISHED ARTICLES >
      • Article from The Order of the Good Death
      • Article: California's End-of-LIfe Option Act
      • Article Amigo Bob -Natural Organic Reduction Human Composting
      • April 2020 Ventilators in times of COVID-19
      • Union Article Caring Cradle Sept 2019
      • Giving Back After Tragedy, September 2019 The Union
      • Article The Union May 2019 New nonprofit
      • Article The Union August 2019 HBO Documentary
      • Choosing When to Die
      • Home Funeral Visitation
    • PAST EVENTS 2019/20 >
      • Past Event Oct 7 & 8, 2020 Holding Space for Pregnancy Loss
      • Death & Grieving around Corona Virus March 26, 2020
      • Past Event: Jan 26, 2020 Your Life, Your Choice, Your Plan
      • End-of-Life Doula Training with Inspired Endings - Oct 2019
      • June 9, 2019 Short Film & Death Conversation
      • Mar, Apr, May 2019
      • SEPT 2019 EVENT: Advance Directives + Dementia Directive
    • 2018 Past Events >
      • A Matter of Life & Death: Workshop Series Sept. 22, 2018
      • Nandi's Cancer Support Group September-October 2018
      • Past Events: 2018
      • Event May 20, 2018- Creating a Death Care Plan: Exploring Unconventional Options
      • Event: July 22, 2018 Death Cafe
    • 2017 PAST Events: August 27th -Understanding California's End-of-LIfe Option Act >
      • Deathwalker Training with Zenith Virago Sept 2017
      • Past Event: Film screening: Zen & the Art of Dying August 13, 2017
      • PAST Event: Film screening: Zen and the Art of Dying June 11, 2017
      • Past Event: Death Salon, A Gathering of Community to Discuss Death -MAR 26
      • Past Event - Exploring After Death Options: What Happens to our Bodily Remains? Feb 19, 2017 2-4pm
      • Going Out Green: Learn about Eco-friendly Home Funerals and Green Burial Cemetery JAN. 8, 2017
      • International Death Doula Training 2017
    • 2016 Events Planning Your Own Send-off May 1, 2016 >
      • Stephen Jenkinson Comes to NC March 14, 2016
      • Education, Presentations, Death Cafe
      • Event: Sunday Aug 28 2-4pm Home Funerals & Green Burial
    • EARLY YEARS 2013-2015 EVENTS
  • Resources
    • MAiD/California End of Life Option Act + Update SB 380 >
      • Links for California's End-of-Life Option Act
    • Bereavement Support in Nevada County >
      • Bereavement support Hospice of the Foothills, Nevada County
      • Grief Support: Jemma Skye Champeau
    • Advance Directives California + Dementia
    • Hospice of the Foothills, Nevada County
    • Senior Outreach Services, Nevada County
    • One Source Empowering Caregivers
    • Pregnancy and Infant Loss >
      • Cuddle Cot 2021
      • Union Article Caring Cradle 2019
    • Support group: Pregnancy and Infant Loss
    • End-of-Life Plan of Care
    • American Clinicians Academy on Medical Aid in Dying >
      • ACAMAID: Mixing medications
    • Physicians & Local Pharmacy >
      • Dr. Stephen Banister, Nevada County
    • VSED: Voluntarily Stopping Eating & Drinking >
      • Supporting a Loved One at End of Life
    • Body / Organ Donation
    • Threshold Choir
    • Resources and Links
    • People in the Death Trade & Training
    • Holding Space
  • FAQ
  • Companions for Pregnancy Loss
    • Cuddle Cot 2021
  • Death Related YouTube
  • Beauty of EOL Study
  • JOIN OUR TEAM
  • Bardo, Buddhism and the Art of Dying
  • Accomplishments
  • Remembrance donation
  • Kids Sit Vigil with their Granny
  • Sharon's End-of-life days
  • Nearing Death Awareness
  • After-Death Care of my Mom by Akhiila Murphy
  • Archive Video FCLD Collective
  • A Remembrance Gathering for Mom?
  • Marina Bokelman Legacy
  • Register for Aguamation