Full Circle of Living and Dying
  • Home
    • Donate Here
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    • Board of Directors
    • FCLD Core Circle Volunteer Team >
      • Bonnie McKeegan, LCSW, Past Vice President Board Director
      • Martha Turner, Midwifery, Past President
      • Linda More, End-of-Life Doula, Past Board Director
      • Donna Peizer, Past Treasurer
      • Nandi Szabo, Co-Founder
      • Nancy Parraz, Death Care Midwife
      • Sushila Mertens, End-of-Life Doula >
        • Sushila Mertens, End-of-Life Doula, Outstanding Volunteer of the Year!
        • Spotlight Sushila Mertens
      • Rebecca Sengolu
    • Advocates for end-of-life choices and death-care rights
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    • What is an End-of-Life Doula or Death Midwife?
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      • Cuddle Cot 2021
      • Support group: Pregnancy and Infant Loss
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    • Donate Here
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      • Our Final Passages Death Midwifery Training
      • Home Funeral Article by Jerrigrace Lyons
  • In-Home Funeral Guidance
    • Know your rights. Home death care is legal.
    • Home Death Care in California >
      • Home Funeral Paperwork
    • CALIFORNIA DEATH CERTIFICATE Instructions
    • Tattoo Preservation after Death
    • Death Care >
      • Sacred Death Care
    • What is "Lying in Honor?"
    • Symbolism of our LOGO
    • Donate Here
    • Pet Funeral >
      • Pet Euthanasia in the Home
    • Death Certificate Worksheet >
      • Nevada County-File Your Own Paperwork for Death Certificate - Vital Records Office
    • Video: A Conversation about After Death Care
  • End-of-Life Care Options
    • Pregnancy and Infant Loss >
      • Support group: Pregnancy and Infant Loss
      • Cuddle Cot 2021
    • Advance Directives, Dementia, Covid-19, Five Wishes
    • End-of-Life Doula
    • California End of Life Option Act (MAID)
    • VSED: Voluntarily Stopping Eating & Drinking
    • Sacred Bridges, Local End-of-Life Caregivers
    • Remembrances
    • Contributions
    • Testimonials
    • Physician Support: Medical Aid in Dying
  • Green Burial
    • History of Natural Green Burial, Cherokee Cemetery, Nevada County >
      • Green Burial Santa Monica 2016
      • Green Burial Video from GBC
    • Natural Organic Reduction -Composting Human Remains >
      • Presentation: Natural Organic Reduction + YouTube link
    • Natural Organic Reduction Amigo Bob's story
    • Rules for Scattering Ashes
    • Find A Grave (website)
    • Aquamation: Water Cremation >
      • Desmond Tutu: Aquamation
    • Cremation- Not so Environmentally Friendly!
  • Events & News
    • Upcoming April 11, 2023 Educational Series: AS YOU WISH: Creating a Beautiful End-of-Life
    • EOL Doulas fight for Rights >
      • Podcast 2023 INTERVIEW: The Doulas Taking on California's Cemetery/Funeral Bureau
      • Death Doulas C&C Article Nov. 2021
      • California Death Doulas Fight
      • LA TIMES Article about Lawsuit Aug. 2022
      • Article: Death Doula Lawsuit Dec. 2021
    • Upcoming April 20, 2023 Death Conversations Event
    • Workshop: In-Home After-death Care April 30, 2023
    • Past Educational Series March, 2023: AS YOU WISH: Creating a Beautiful End-of-Life
    • Past event Aquamation Presentation Jan. 18, 2023 link to recording
    • 2022 Past Events >
      • Article: Pregnancy Loss Conversations Feb, 2022
      • Past Film Event: Jack Has a Plan Aug. 2022
      • Past Event June 24, 2022 Presentation Organ and Tissue donation
      • Past Event Apr. 28, 2022 After-death Care presentation
      • PAST March 26, 2022 Cemetery Field Trip
      • Past Event March 17, 2022 Death Conversations- Breaking the silence
      • Past Event Jan 20, 2022 Death Conversations- Breaking the silence
    • PAST EVENTS 2021 >
      • Review: 2021 City of Hope, End:0f-Life Symposium December
      • Presentation Dec. 9th : "There's No Place Like Home." Home funeral Basics
      • Past Event: Nov. 2021- Medical Aid-in-Dying Update
      • Past Event: Natural Organic Reduction - Register
      • Past Events 2021 : June 18 -Field trip to Cherokee Cemetery
    • Newsletters
    • KVMR Podcasts: Featuring End-of-LIfe Doulas
    • PUBLISHED ARTICLES >
      • Article from The Order of the Good Death
      • Article: California's End-of-LIfe Option Act
      • Article Amigo Bob -Natural Organic Reduction Human Composting
      • April 2020 Ventilators in times of COVID-19
      • Union Article Caring Cradle Sept 2019
      • Giving Back After Tragedy, September 2019 The Union
      • Article The Union May 2019 New nonprofit
      • Article The Union August 2019 HBO Documentary
      • Choosing When to Die
      • Home Funeral Visitation
    • PAST EVENTS 2019/20 >
      • Past Event Oct 7 & 8, 2020 Holding Space for Pregnancy Loss
      • Death & Grieving around Corona Virus March 26, 2020
      • Past Event: Jan 26, 2020 Your Life, Your Choice, Your Plan
      • End-of-Life Doula Training with Inspired Endings - Oct 2019
      • June 9, 2019 Short Film & Death Conversation
      • Mar, Apr, May 2019
      • SEPT 2019 EVENT: Advance Directives + Dementia Directive
    • 2018 Past Events >
      • A Matter of Life & Death: Workshop Series Sept. 22, 2018
      • Nandi's Cancer Support Group September-October 2018
      • Past Events: 2018
      • Event May 20, 2018- Creating a Death Care Plan: Exploring Unconventional Options
      • Event: July 22, 2018 Death Cafe
    • 2017 PAST Events: August 27th -Understanding California's End-of-LIfe Option Act >
      • Deathwalker Training with Zenith Virago Sept 2017
      • Past Event: Film screening: Zen & the Art of Dying August 13, 2017
      • PAST Event: Film screening: Zen and the Art of Dying June 11, 2017
      • Past Event: Death Salon, A Gathering of Community to Discuss Death -MAR 26
      • Past Event - Exploring After Death Options: What Happens to our Bodily Remains? Feb 19, 2017 2-4pm
      • Going Out Green: Learn about Eco-friendly Home Funerals and Green Burial Cemetery JAN. 8, 2017
      • International Death Doula Training 2017
    • 2016 Events Planning Your Own Send-off May 1, 2016 >
      • Stephen Jenkinson Comes to NC March 14, 2016
      • Education, Presentations, Death Cafe
      • Event: Sunday Aug 28 2-4pm Home Funerals & Green Burial
    • EARLY YEARS 2013-2015 EVENTS
  • Resources
    • MAiD/California End of Life Option Act + Update SB 380 >
      • Links for California's End-of-Life Option Act
    • Bereavement Support in Nevada County >
      • Bereavement support Hospice of the Foothills, Nevada County
      • Grief Support: Jemma Skye Champeau
    • Advance Directives California + Dementia
    • Hospice of the Foothills, Nevada County
    • Senior Outreach Services, Nevada County
    • One Source Empowering Caregivers
    • Pregnancy and Infant Loss >
      • Cuddle Cot 2021
      • Union Article Caring Cradle 2019
    • Support group: Pregnancy and Infant Loss
    • End-of-Life Plan of Care
    • American Clinicians Academy on Medical Aid in Dying >
      • ACAMAID: Mixing medications
    • Physicians & Local Pharmacy >
      • Dr. Stephen Banister, Nevada County
    • VSED: Voluntarily Stopping Eating & Drinking >
      • Supporting a Loved One at End of Life
    • Body / Organ Donation
    • Threshold Choir
    • Resources and Links
    • People in the Death Trade & Training
    • Holding Space
  • FAQ
  • Companions for Pregnancy Loss
    • Cuddle Cot 2021
  • Death Related YouTube
  • Beauty of EOL Study
  • JOIN OUR TEAM
  • Bardo, Buddhism and the Art of Dying
  • Accomplishments
  • Remembrance donation
  • Kids Sit Vigil with their Granny
  • Sharon's End-of-life days
  • Nearing Death Awareness
  • After-Death Care of my Mom by Akhiila Murphy
  • Archive Video FCLD Collective
  • A Remembrance Gathering for Mom?
  • Marina Bokelman Legacy
  • Register for Aguamation
  • EOL Doulas fight for Rights

Reflections of a Death Doula:                                      What Exactly is "Lying in Repose?"

2/26/2018

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PictureMother Angelica lies in repose, Alabama 2016
Recently I heard the term: Lying in Repose. I thought it was a redundancy. Doesn't repose mean "lying" already? How does lying in repose differ from lying in state, or lying in honor? What's really going on here?

As an End-of-Life Doula we often guide communities in preparing a deceased loved one to lie in the home for a few hours to a few of days for visitation. We generally use the term: "Lying in honor," referring to the state of the body being lain out for vigil in the home. Family and friends decide whether to have community visitation, or private ceremony. According to the National Home Funeral Alliance, lying in honor in the home is totally legal in all of the United States of America. 

A quick online search retrieved the definition of repose: "A state of resting after exertion or strain. Eternal rest." I found this definition interesting because my experience with people in the active dying stage is that dying can take some work and strain prior to the final exhale. Another wiki search revealed, lying in repose is the term used for a deceased person of high social or spiritual importance whose body is prepared to lie for public viewing in a non-government location. 

The term: "Lying in state" is reserved for a deceased person lying in a government location such as a state capitol building or the U.S. Capitol Rotunda. Lying in state may include military honors. Interestingly, lying in state in the rotunda is not restricted to presidents or government officials. In 1998 a congressional vote allowed two capitol police officers who died in the line of duty to lie in the U.S. Capitol  Rotunda, but it was called, "lying in honor."  In October of 2005 Rosa Parks was the first woman, (third civilian) allowed the distinction of lying in honor in the rotunda. Rev. Billy Graham will become the fourth civilian to also lie in honor in the U.S. Capitol rotunda. 

So whether it's lying in repose, in state, or honor, it's simply about paying loving respect to one who has died. It gives opportunity for those left behind to pay tribute, offer ceremony, ritual, spiritual acknowledgment, and also time to process the reality of death. Even if someone you care about is not of high social prominence, a government official, hero, civil rights activist, or spiritual leader, you too may pay tribute to your deceased person by preparing her/him to lie in honor for viewing in a special location.  You have the right to prepare an environment for lying in honor by washing, anointing, dressing and arranging for visitation within the comfort of your own home. I believe doing death right with dignity, love and respect is our duty as human beings.  

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Reflections of a Death Doula

1/26/2018

4 Comments

 
Picture
Interior of Painted Cardboard Casket

One Woman's Conscious Dying Process

Picture
It was exactly one year ago when I first met Lynn. The cancer she had been living with was now terminal and she had discontinued treatment. She was at the end of her life and was the embodiment of self determination. Lynn was single, had a grown son with a wife and two small children. She owned her own home. Lynn was an artist, teacher, musician, avid skier, beloved friend, deeply spiritual, mother and grandmother. 

Our first meeting was an interview. Lynn knew she would eventually need caregivers to help her through her dying process. So, she set about interviewing local caregivers and contemplating potential future care needs as her dying process would progress.  Lynn didn't want her son and daughter-in-law to be "overwhelmed" with her care. She set herself up with hospice care, and soon after, my partner and I became a part of her care giving team. 

Lynn was quite organized and demanded everything had its place and a reason for its place. She explained all of her eating habits, daily routines, and self administered her detailed list of medications up until the last week of her life. From Lynn I learned the importance of telling people exactly what you want and expect the best out of everyone. Full communication and pre-planning can eliminate future confusion or questions and can certainly lessen stress for her loved ones and caregivers. 

An In-Home Funeral with a three day home wake was an important part of Lynn's after death plans. She told us she wanted cremation and an environmentally friendly cardboard casket to be decorated by loved ones. As her Death Doula, I wrote down all of her detailed wishes for care of her body upon death. We discussed what was most important right now in her life. We made plans for giving away her artwork. She shared her wishes with friends and they offered to help with after death care.  Friends sat vigil with Lynn during her last days of life. After she took her last breath her team of friends all gathered. Although they had never done this before, her friends washed her body, held ceremony, played music, told stories, dressed her in her favorite clothes and prepared her to lie in honor in her home for three days. Friends sat vigil throughout the three day visitation after her death so that her body was never alone. 

All those who were with Lynn during her dying process came away truly changed. We learned about the ways a community can come together and create a loving good-bye for a dear one. Lynn allowed us to witness her days of "inner work" as she began to let go of her physical body. We felt empowered with creativity and love as community came to decorate her casket and we soon fulfilled all of her after death wishes. We felt completion as we shrouded her body on that last day, lifted her into the artful casket then carried her upon our shoulders out to the mortuary vehicle. As she was escorted from her home a light dusting of snow fell in honor of Lynn's passion for winter skiing.  So many miracles, so much love.
​

4 Comments

    Author

    Akhila Murphy. I am a trained Death Doula and After Death care midwife. My passion is encouraging and engaging  conversations about dying, death, the dead, and what happens after death. Through real life and death experiences I hope to inspire questions, creative ideas, contemplation and a new outlook on what it means to live a full life and die a good death.

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  • Home
    • Donate Here
  • About us/Contact
    • Board of Directors
    • FCLD Core Circle Volunteer Team >
      • Bonnie McKeegan, LCSW, Past Vice President Board Director
      • Martha Turner, Midwifery, Past President
      • Linda More, End-of-Life Doula, Past Board Director
      • Donna Peizer, Past Treasurer
      • Nandi Szabo, Co-Founder
      • Nancy Parraz, Death Care Midwife
      • Sushila Mertens, End-of-Life Doula >
        • Sushila Mertens, End-of-Life Doula, Outstanding Volunteer of the Year!
        • Spotlight Sushila Mertens
      • Rebecca Sengolu
    • Advocates for end-of-life choices and death-care rights
    • FAQ
    • What is an End-of-Life Doula or Death Midwife?
    • Sign up for Newsletter/send email
    • Contact Us
    • Pregnancy and Infant Loss >
      • Cuddle Cot 2021
      • Support group: Pregnancy and Infant Loss
    • Gallery
    • Donate Here
    • JOIN OUR TEAM
    • Our Education >
      • Our Final Passages Death Midwifery Training
      • Home Funeral Article by Jerrigrace Lyons
  • In-Home Funeral Guidance
    • Know your rights. Home death care is legal.
    • Home Death Care in California >
      • Home Funeral Paperwork
    • CALIFORNIA DEATH CERTIFICATE Instructions
    • Tattoo Preservation after Death
    • Death Care >
      • Sacred Death Care
    • What is "Lying in Honor?"
    • Symbolism of our LOGO
    • Donate Here
    • Pet Funeral >
      • Pet Euthanasia in the Home
    • Death Certificate Worksheet >
      • Nevada County-File Your Own Paperwork for Death Certificate - Vital Records Office
    • Video: A Conversation about After Death Care
  • End-of-Life Care Options
    • Pregnancy and Infant Loss >
      • Support group: Pregnancy and Infant Loss
      • Cuddle Cot 2021
    • Advance Directives, Dementia, Covid-19, Five Wishes
    • End-of-Life Doula
    • California End of Life Option Act (MAID)
    • VSED: Voluntarily Stopping Eating & Drinking
    • Sacred Bridges, Local End-of-Life Caregivers
    • Remembrances
    • Contributions
    • Testimonials
    • Physician Support: Medical Aid in Dying
  • Green Burial
    • History of Natural Green Burial, Cherokee Cemetery, Nevada County >
      • Green Burial Santa Monica 2016
      • Green Burial Video from GBC
    • Natural Organic Reduction -Composting Human Remains >
      • Presentation: Natural Organic Reduction + YouTube link
    • Natural Organic Reduction Amigo Bob's story
    • Rules for Scattering Ashes
    • Find A Grave (website)
    • Aquamation: Water Cremation >
      • Desmond Tutu: Aquamation
    • Cremation- Not so Environmentally Friendly!
  • Events & News
    • Upcoming April 11, 2023 Educational Series: AS YOU WISH: Creating a Beautiful End-of-Life
    • EOL Doulas fight for Rights >
      • Podcast 2023 INTERVIEW: The Doulas Taking on California's Cemetery/Funeral Bureau
      • Death Doulas C&C Article Nov. 2021
      • California Death Doulas Fight
      • LA TIMES Article about Lawsuit Aug. 2022
      • Article: Death Doula Lawsuit Dec. 2021
    • Upcoming April 20, 2023 Death Conversations Event
    • Workshop: In-Home After-death Care April 30, 2023
    • Past Educational Series March, 2023: AS YOU WISH: Creating a Beautiful End-of-Life
    • Past event Aquamation Presentation Jan. 18, 2023 link to recording
    • 2022 Past Events >
      • Article: Pregnancy Loss Conversations Feb, 2022
      • Past Film Event: Jack Has a Plan Aug. 2022
      • Past Event June 24, 2022 Presentation Organ and Tissue donation
      • Past Event Apr. 28, 2022 After-death Care presentation
      • PAST March 26, 2022 Cemetery Field Trip
      • Past Event March 17, 2022 Death Conversations- Breaking the silence
      • Past Event Jan 20, 2022 Death Conversations- Breaking the silence
    • PAST EVENTS 2021 >
      • Review: 2021 City of Hope, End:0f-Life Symposium December
      • Presentation Dec. 9th : "There's No Place Like Home." Home funeral Basics
      • Past Event: Nov. 2021- Medical Aid-in-Dying Update
      • Past Event: Natural Organic Reduction - Register
      • Past Events 2021 : June 18 -Field trip to Cherokee Cemetery
    • Newsletters
    • KVMR Podcasts: Featuring End-of-LIfe Doulas
    • PUBLISHED ARTICLES >
      • Article from The Order of the Good Death
      • Article: California's End-of-LIfe Option Act
      • Article Amigo Bob -Natural Organic Reduction Human Composting
      • April 2020 Ventilators in times of COVID-19
      • Union Article Caring Cradle Sept 2019
      • Giving Back After Tragedy, September 2019 The Union
      • Article The Union May 2019 New nonprofit
      • Article The Union August 2019 HBO Documentary
      • Choosing When to Die
      • Home Funeral Visitation
    • PAST EVENTS 2019/20 >
      • Past Event Oct 7 & 8, 2020 Holding Space for Pregnancy Loss
      • Death & Grieving around Corona Virus March 26, 2020
      • Past Event: Jan 26, 2020 Your Life, Your Choice, Your Plan
      • End-of-Life Doula Training with Inspired Endings - Oct 2019
      • June 9, 2019 Short Film & Death Conversation
      • Mar, Apr, May 2019
      • SEPT 2019 EVENT: Advance Directives + Dementia Directive
    • 2018 Past Events >
      • A Matter of Life & Death: Workshop Series Sept. 22, 2018
      • Nandi's Cancer Support Group September-October 2018
      • Past Events: 2018
      • Event May 20, 2018- Creating a Death Care Plan: Exploring Unconventional Options
      • Event: July 22, 2018 Death Cafe
    • 2017 PAST Events: August 27th -Understanding California's End-of-LIfe Option Act >
      • Deathwalker Training with Zenith Virago Sept 2017
      • Past Event: Film screening: Zen & the Art of Dying August 13, 2017
      • PAST Event: Film screening: Zen and the Art of Dying June 11, 2017
      • Past Event: Death Salon, A Gathering of Community to Discuss Death -MAR 26
      • Past Event - Exploring After Death Options: What Happens to our Bodily Remains? Feb 19, 2017 2-4pm
      • Going Out Green: Learn about Eco-friendly Home Funerals and Green Burial Cemetery JAN. 8, 2017
      • International Death Doula Training 2017
    • 2016 Events Planning Your Own Send-off May 1, 2016 >
      • Stephen Jenkinson Comes to NC March 14, 2016
      • Education, Presentations, Death Cafe
      • Event: Sunday Aug 28 2-4pm Home Funerals & Green Burial
    • EARLY YEARS 2013-2015 EVENTS
  • Resources
    • MAiD/California End of Life Option Act + Update SB 380 >
      • Links for California's End-of-Life Option Act
    • Bereavement Support in Nevada County >
      • Bereavement support Hospice of the Foothills, Nevada County
      • Grief Support: Jemma Skye Champeau
    • Advance Directives California + Dementia
    • Hospice of the Foothills, Nevada County
    • Senior Outreach Services, Nevada County
    • One Source Empowering Caregivers
    • Pregnancy and Infant Loss >
      • Cuddle Cot 2021
      • Union Article Caring Cradle 2019
    • Support group: Pregnancy and Infant Loss
    • End-of-Life Plan of Care
    • American Clinicians Academy on Medical Aid in Dying >
      • ACAMAID: Mixing medications
    • Physicians & Local Pharmacy >
      • Dr. Stephen Banister, Nevada County
    • VSED: Voluntarily Stopping Eating & Drinking >
      • Supporting a Loved One at End of Life
    • Body / Organ Donation
    • Threshold Choir
    • Resources and Links
    • People in the Death Trade & Training
    • Holding Space
  • FAQ
  • Companions for Pregnancy Loss
    • Cuddle Cot 2021
  • Death Related YouTube
  • Beauty of EOL Study
  • JOIN OUR TEAM
  • Bardo, Buddhism and the Art of Dying
  • Accomplishments
  • Remembrance donation
  • Kids Sit Vigil with their Granny
  • Sharon's End-of-life days
  • Nearing Death Awareness
  • After-Death Care of my Mom by Akhiila Murphy
  • Archive Video FCLD Collective
  • A Remembrance Gathering for Mom?
  • Marina Bokelman Legacy
  • Register for Aguamation
  • EOL Doulas fight for Rights